Caitlyn Jenner Reveals She Contemplated Suicide During Transition
Caitlyn Jenner admitted on Wednesday (April 3) that she considered taking her own life while she was transitioning.
Jenner revealed she was plagued with suicidal thoughts one night, after a paparazzo took photos of her leaving a doctor’s office where she'd had her Adam’s apple shaved down.
“I could not sleep that night,” she said in an interview with Bill Simmons for HBO’s Any Given Wednesday via US Weekly. “I’m up at 3 o’clock in the morning and I'm walking up and down my hallway in this little beach house out in Malibu and I’m thinking, 'Damn, all this s--t is going to come out tomorrow and it’s going to be horrible.’
“And I said, ‘You know what? Easy way. Go in the other room. You got a gun. Let’s just end it right here.’ That’s, like, the easy way out, no more pain, no more nothing,” Jenner continued. "I don’t have to deal with the tabloids any longer. I don’t have to deal with any of this. And that was probably the lowest I’ve ever gotten."
Jenner says she then went to sleep, and took a walk around her neighborhood the following morning in an attempt to clear her mind and re-focus her perspective.
"I thought, 'What a terrible way to end your life’s story! I don’t want my story to end that way, on a negative note,'” she said. “That was the beginning of me turning my thinking around to say, ‘Okay, I think I can do this.’”
Jenner says hitting that low point allowed her to move on from those negative thoughts and more fully embrace her new life, "Going through this I have renewed excitement for life...My life today is so interesting, so simple. It really is so simple."
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