The 10 People You’ll Meet on Election Day
After months and months of being bombarded with political buzz, Election Day is finally upon us. It’s a little exhausting to deal with Bayonets and amusing autotuning and everything in between, so it’s about darn time society gets back to business and resumes normality.
Who are we kidding– we love election season! Luckily for us, we’re not out of the shenanigan woods just yet. There are tons of people who show up at the polls that fit this bill. Even though the characters you’ll encounter are entertaining, it’s always best to be totally prepared before you head out there to vote; it can be a strange, hilarious situation.
These are the 10 people you’ll meet on Election Day:
The Political Pusher
When we show up at the polls, there’s a 99.9% chance we already know who we’re voting for. (There’s a slight possibility we’ll go for Morris the Cat in a last-minute change-of-heart, but that’s besides the point.) The guy who’s trying to sway our vote is nosey and persistent, and his judgmental looks make us feel as though he can stare straight into our souls. Sorry sir, but we’d rather watch an entire season of ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ than listen to your rant about why the other candidate is keeping the existence of aliens a secret.
The Mom and Baby
Moms are the most impressive breed of people. Talking on the phone while putting in a load of laundry, tending to a screaming child and dealing with a dog who’s running circles around their feet is a cakewalk to them. When Election Day rolls around, those superhero multi-tasking skills come right along with them to the voting booths. On November 6th, you’ll see moms trying desperately to cast their vote while handling an antsy kid on her hip who just wants a lollipop. Everyone is staring at this incredible balancing act like it’s the eighth wonder of the world. Meanwhile, we just want to get past her in the line to cast our vote and get on with our childless day.
The Decked-Out Voter
Whether he’s a Romney dude or an Obama supporter, this political character makes his favorite candidate known to everyone within a 10-mile radius. This is usually made awfully clear by being covered in obnoxious pins or wearing head-to-toe blue or red. Heck, he could be a member of The Pizza Party, and he’d still partake in these shenanigans! In that case, Mr. Odd-Ball would probably be smothered in pizza. Don’t get us wrong — it’s great to be politically aware! This guy just needs to settle down a bit.
The pushy Media Crew
We usually head to voting venues right after work when we’re feeling really disheveled and gross. Fortunately, there’s usually a camera-clad news crew at said location to document our griminess. They’re all set up getting shots for the 11 o’clock news while we just want to sneak on by, cast our vote and peace out of there. Except, that never happens, and our face is plastered all over the news that night. Thanks a lot, Polly Perkins with CBS 2.
The Local Politician
When politicians cast their votes on Election Day, an entire media hoopla comes along with them. Tons of awkward “shaking hands” photos are snapped along with shots of the nominee kissing the baby on the mom’s hip (hopefully not the mom’s hip if he wants to avoid scandal). It’s just what the guy has to do to garner positive press, but we totally know he just wants to get the heck out of there as fast as the rest of us.
While a lot of college students these days are politically active, there are some who have no idea what in the world is going on with the whole Big Bird or “Bamma” thing. However, it IS every American’s civic duty to head to the polls on Election Day, including said hooligan. Basically this college kid is pressured into voting by mom and dad, and he or she only shows up for the “I voted!” stickers. Honestly, we can’t blame her — they’re kinda awesome.
The First-Time Voter
Voting for the first time can be a little nerve-wrecking, especially if you’re a newly-legal high school student, and mom’s not there to help you navigate the polls. This kid usually walks into the voting venue looking like a lost puppy. Here’s hoping he casts his vote wisely and doesn’t write in “Cartman from ‘South Park’.”
The Super Serious Volunteer
Being an Election Day volunteer garners major respect, because they have to deal with overly-enthusiastic political fans, first-time voters and everyone in between. Maybe that’s why a lot of them are super strict– to keep hooligans in check. This character is ridiculous when it comes to byzantine voting rules, and they get extra ticked when even the slightest bit of confusion or mischief arises. When you come across the extra uptight volunteer, nod your head and walk away very, very slowly.
The Oblivious Guy
Oblivious guy shows up at the polls just for the sake of showing up at the polls. Everyone else is doing it, so why not scope out the scene? He has no idea who the heck is running for president of the good ol’ U-S-of-A, nor does he care. The man is just straight up confused. And probably high on paint thinner.
The Problem Voter
There’s always that one person who screws up the voting process. The problem voter usually comes in the form of a middle-aged, stressed-out woman who really has no idea how the whole process works. She steps into the voting booth like the rest of us only to freak out moments later after realizing she pressed the Tea Party’s button instead of her favorite politician’s. Shoot! The lady then proceeds to make a scene in front of the super serious volunteers, and that’s our cue to get out of there. Quickly. (Hopefully in all the confusion we didn’t vote for Lyndon LaRouche.)