Dear Dr Psarcasm,

I’m an exotic dancer at a local club.  Recently I had neck surgery and I need to be in a neck brace for the next 8 weeks.  I can’t afford to go without dancing for that long but the club doesn’t want me on the floor with the neck brace on.  What should I do?

Betty from Mt Morris


Dear Betty,

Putting ON a neck brace does not deprive you of the right to take OFF your clothes…let’s make that clear right up front.

What you should do depends on WHY they don’t want you dancing with the brace.  Are they worried about liability, e.g.?  If so, this is an easy fix; offer to sign a waiver holding them blameless if you hurt yourself.

(If we weren’t in such a provincial backwater you’d have other options. I don’t know if it’s feasible for you, but in Chicago there are several clubs that CATER to those who are smitten with the spinally challenged; ALL the dancers in these clubs wear neck braces or some other form of spinal support.)

But if your club doesn’t want you dancing with a neck brace because they worry about how it will look, that’s another issue altogether.  In this case, I think you have two options:

First, if you could afford to take the time off, would you?  Because I do believe you are entitled to be paid for your time off under of the Affordable Care Act.  It’s still being fleshed out at HHS, but I am almost certain they cover this contingency.  Keep in mind it will be based on an average of your REPORTED weekly earnings.

If, on the other hand, this is a matter of principle for you, there is no better time than NOW to take a stand.  With the Republic attempt to outlaw contraception having boomeranged on them, and the attack on Sandra Fluke blowing up in the face of the troglodyte in chief, Rush Limbaugh, the President and his allies are now fully engaged in battling this war on women.  Whether you want to take the floor in a neck brace, in Crocs, or with a walker, you will have powerful allies.  Speak up!  You can dance if you want to!

Best of luck,

Dr Psarcasm

“Remember, the ‘P’ is NOT silent.  Seriously.”

(Dr. Psarcasm is not a real Doctor.  Dr. Psarcasm cannot be held liable for any outcome associated with following his “advice;” all advice is meant for entertainment purposes only.  Please send your questions to Dr Psarcasm, care of Dan Foley: