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13 Signs Facebook Is Following You a Bit Too Closely

Facebook's Influence In Consumer Consumption Of News Growing
Justin Sullivan, Getty Images

Social technology, like Facebook, might be a great way for people to keep in touch, but it can also just as easily become a massive hindrance.

It’s looking now that Facebook may be keeping a closer eye on us than we might be comfortable with. News broke recently that the social networking site will release ads based on web pages that their users have visited and other internet activity. If this remains unchecked, Facebook could totally take this a bit too far. Here are some semi-realistic (and pretty hysterical) signs to keep a look out for:

1. Facebook suggested your “favorite activities” should include “standing near open windows after showering” or “looking at inappropriate websites when the boss isn’t around.”

2. Every time you get a “poke,” you feel a finger jab you in the stomach.

3. Your cover photo has been changed to a picture of you working at your desk and was taken from a telescopic scope from outside your window.

4. When you try to cancel your account, your computer says, “Sorry, I’m afraid I can’t do that, Dave.”

5. Your calendar reminds you that it’s your mother’s birthday and that she wants something better than that piece of crap picture frame you got her last year.

6. It knows when you’re going to “drunk poke” someone.

7. It recommends certain activities based on your blood type.

8. An ad for impotence identifies you by the nickname you have for your… you know.

9. It sends you an alert that the chicken you’re cooking on the stove is burning.

10. The only movies it recommends for your “likes” are ‘The Conversation,’ ‘Eagle Eye’ and ‘Enemy of the State.’

11. Every time you send a message, it wants to make sure you’re not a spammer and asks you to confirm your blood type.

12. The security questions on your account includes your mother’s maiden name, your mother’s first boyfriend and your mother’s current “boytoy.”

13. You “liked” ‘The Social Network’ and the next day, the Social Security office doesn’t have a number for you anymore.

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