A group of wackos activists are in Lansing today protesting Nestle's bid to double their Michigan water withdrawal, but they may be missing the point.

Nestle Ice Mountain Water has extracted billions of gallons of water from Michigan since 2002, and some how managed to turn it into a big profit.  So why is everyone worked up about Nestle taking more of our precious water?

Well it started last fall when Nestle asked to increase their water output by 167%.  Some uptight people got all worried about Michigan "running out of water."

Yea, like that could happen.

Luckily, the ever capable MDEQ, was ready to sign the proposal until concerned citizens stepped in to complain.  You read that right, average everyday people dared to oppose a team of people dedicated to protecting the environmental quality in Michigan.

That is the most ridiculous thing about all of this.  It's not like the MDEQ has done anything dishonest, or made some huge blunder that poisoned an entire Michigan city or anything.

I don't see any problem with Nestle pumping water out of the ground in Michigan.  The $200 a year that they pay for it should more than cover any long term damages.  Plus they do such a great job of representing our state.

Ice Mountain water is taken directly from the ground in Osceola County, and all you have to do is look at a bottle to see how much pride the company takes in Michigan.

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I remember vacationing as a kid in the snow capped mountains of Osceola County.  I always thought to myself, "If only there was a way to take the fresh mountain water and have it within an arms reach at all times.'

NOW NESTLE HAS MADE THAT DREAM A REALITY!  AND YOU PEOPLE WANT TO PROTEST THAT?!

I'm not a smart man, but I do know that if a multi billion dollar company wants to take our most precious natural resource, pay next to nothing for it, turn around and sell it to the people at a huge mark up, THEN THAT'S THEIR RIGHT AS AMERICANS!

So to all of the people complaining about what Nestle is doing, I suggest you stop fighting it and follow suit.  The business plan is pretty straight forward.  In fact here is a new concept that I'm developing for a product I call 'Pure AIr'.

  • Step 1. Find a way to steal  harness clean air from the environment
  • Step 2. Sell Pure Air to people who are living in the most polluted, and dangerous areas
  • Step 3. Roll around in money

SIMPLE!  I think Spaceballs already executed my plan though.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pay my Flint water bill . . . then drive to pick up some cases of bottled water because I can't drink the Flint water I just paid for.