NASCAR vs The Environmentalists

The circle track sporting event, NASCAR, was once called “out run the revenuers.” Most spring and summer weekends will find millions of fans personally attending a race or watching on television while cheering for their favorite driver and team. The level of competition is intense and the degree of technical skill and physical endurance is not for the faint of heart. With such wholesome and popular entertainment enjoyed by young and old, why is the attack on this piece of Americana so virulent?

What are the stated reasons for NASCAR to be despised? Why should this industry face the same charges as someone accused of a terrorist act of aggression toward the country? The first charge was that the sponsors would be promoting a veiled approval of lawlessness (moonshining and avoiding taxes), while furthering a ‘southern rebel way of life,' implying racism. Second, there would be countless deaths and serious injuries from these outrageously high speeds and out of control drivers jockeying for position and victory. Next, the depletion of our valuable natural resources will take an irreparable toll on the planet, while destroying natural life as we know it. Why, just the noise pollution alone would foster a generation of deafness, only rivaled by the silence heard in the far reaches of deep space. Air pollution from one season of races will doom Mother Earth to volatile temperature fluctuations, seasonal unpredictability and eventually death of the blue orb.

There must be valid reasons why fans, enthusiasts, drivers and sponsors want to destroy their home as well as ours, but why won’t they tell us? What is in it for them when the mission is accomplished? The answer must be in the methods employed in this diabolical scheme.

Step by step, I dissected their plan and found the following outrageous insider information. The tracks, on which they drive well over 200 miles per hour, are engineered and built specifically for that purpose! Imagine car speed, and the laws of physics being considered, not to mention using materials best suited for this type of activity. And if that wasn’t enough, the cars are designed and built to operate at those speeds on those tracks. But wait, there is still more. The cars, (whisper this one), use fossil fuel. GOOD LORD! What are we doing to ourselves? And at well over 200mph, it’s only a matter of time before…I can’t bring myself to say it (sigh). It matters not the degree of engine tuning, aerodynamic design or fuel saving technology applied, the object of blame is the internal combustion engine and all the evil horsepower it generates. Surely things could not get much worse.

I would be remiss and dishonest not to acknowledge the real risk of serious injury or death which could and has occurred to drivers, crew members or spectators during a race. However, prior to these tragedies and because of such incidents, preservation of human life is the FIRST consideration in every aspect of the sport. It has been and will remain so. On the occasion of an accident, injury or death to the drivers are far less frequent than those which occur daily on the streets and highways of America. Again, safety is a redundancy and top priority for NASCAR.

Well now we know the evils of NASCAR. All of their hidden secrets are exposed. Let’s recap: excellent track design, safety first and foremost, cars engineered and tuned for optimum performance including gas mileage and a fan base dedicated to consistent GREEN lights.  So we must now make the only rational decision we have been led to by the facts. In our loudest voices shout, “LADY AND GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES!”