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Gimme a Cheeseburger, Cigarettes & HHR, Hold the Motorcycle Helmet

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Dear Dr P.

Should I throw away my motorcycle helmet now that it’s legal? I want to feel the wind thru my hair when I ride!

Kelly from Burton


Dear Kelly,

Of course you should throw out your helmet.  Toss it in the garbage can conveniently placed just past the take out window as you’re grabbing a double cheeseburger and fries.  Or throw it in the dumpster out behind the smoke shop as you’re picking up your cancer sticks, you inconsiderate jerk!

People like you make me sick!  “So what if I clog my arteries, develop lung cancer, or end up in a vegetative state after a motorcycle accident.  That’s MY business, what’s it to you?!”  The thing you fail to consider is that the rest of us are left holding the bag.  AAA estimates that there will be an additional 30 fatalities a year, and 127 incapacitating injuries, with repeal of Michigan’s mandatory helmet law.  But what do you care?  You won’t be stuck emptying the colostomy bag we are left holding.

Why don’t you get yourself a Chevy HHR while you’re at it?  It’s so cute!  Who cares if it was rated one of the least safe cars of 2011.  No, don’t even look at the Volvo S60.  Selfish terd!

If you want to feel the wind through your hair, buy a fan!

Dr Psarcasm,

“Remember, the ‘P’ is NOT silent.  Seriously.”


(Dr. Psarcasm is not a real Doctor.  Dr. Psarcasm cannot be held liable for any outcome associated with following his “advice;” all advice is meant for entertainment purposes only.  Please send your questions to Dr Psarcasm, care of Dan Foley:

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